Monthly Archives: April 2012

Bring In The New

I bloody love Spring I do. New babies all over the shop, people getting married in big white dresses and starting new lives with their favourite person. Marvellous.

These kinds of changes are nice, expected, looked forward to. Anticipated. But when the changes occur in life that aren’t asked for. When life causes you to become someone else entirely-then what do you do? How do you start?

I find a total clear out does a world of good actually. A total overhaul. A Fire Sale if you will. Everything Must Go.

I’m not the only one, it’s such a common story with so many that start their lives all over again. Many change or use an abbreviated version of their name in a bid to feel less connected to the Sick Person they were for so long. I know I did. I also changed career, moved hundreds of miles from the place I was poorly. Made new friends. My appearance also changed quite dramatically.

It’s like there’s this push-pull aspect to a Life After. On one hand there’s this feeling of grief and loss for the years you spent unable to live properly and that you will never get back. But then there’s this incredible opportunity to wipe the slate clean and start over again. And it may not be what you want to do at first, but it’s so liberating if you just give into it and let it happen. And it’s a hell of a lot easier to do if you don’t surround yourself with lots of crap from your old life. Material or emotional. It’s bloody hard work starting over. The more definitively you do it the easier it is in the long run-even if it is a shock to the system at first.

So give it a go, remove all the possesions from the old you and give yourself permission to start again. A real and proper spring clean inside and out. Because it does make a difference. I had no idea how much until it was all finally gone. And I wish I’d done it all at the same time. Because I’m finally allowing room for the new stuff to come in. I’m trusting that the gaps and void will be filled with the stuff and people and places that are a match to the version of me that I am now…and it’s a really good feeling.

I look at everything I have now, the clothes, the furniture, the people the work the places and I Love knowing that it was all done by me. That I built ever aspect of my Life After deliberately and from scratch and it was hard and it was scary but it’s authentically mine and no one can take it from me. That’s the kind of security the cannot be bought or given, it can only be earned.

C xx

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There Once was a Girl

There once was a girl and a chair. Til the girl got rid of the chair, but she filled that space up with fear instead.

Then there was a girl and her fear.

So the girl tried to replace the fear with a boy. But of course no girl can hide behind a boy just so that the fear cannot see her. So then there was no boy and it was just the girl and her fear again.

The fear seemed bigger than the girl, so it seemed an unfair fight, but the girl believed in Happy Ever After’s and though she now realised there would be no knight in shining armour to save the day, she hoped she might actually be brave enough to save herself. So then there was a girl, and her fear, and her little bit of hope.

And as the girl found more and more things she felt brave about, she found more things to love. And as the little bit of bravery got bigger, the fear got smaller and smaller. Til it hardly seemed there at all.

There once was a girl, and her hope. And they planned on living Happily Ever After

Cxx