I’m pretty terrible at it actually. Don’t ever take any dating advice from me ever. If I ever do write a dating book please burn it. Yes even if it’s on Kindle. It will be worth the expense, trust me…

My being generally rubbish with men has nothing to do the wheelchair or the bedbound-ness. I was equally bad with the menfolk beforehand. It’s not even genetic given the fact my parents have been together since they were about 12 years old. It’s just a fact. Me + Boy= Disaster…not to worry, I’ll just take up needlepoint or something…

When I did get back into the Real World and also started dating, I suddenly realised I was probably going to figure out a cover-story, or just come out with my own slightly bizarre truth. Actually I was hoping just to skate over it entirely, but when you have a huge gap where your late 20’s should be your Date is going to notice during the whole “getting to know you” part. So here are some very small tips to save you the bother of a lot of trial and error…

  • Don’t be vague in the hope that he will just leave it. When I tried this one bloke actually thought I’d been in prison. Awkward. Unless you don’t fancy him, in which case by all means work away…
  • Be matter of fact about it. I was sick now I’m well. Concentrate on the wellness. He probably doesn’t need to know your mother fed and dressed you for the past few years.
  • Own it. It’s something that happened to you, it does not define you. It’s a springboard to the amazing life you are now discovering for yourself. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. You didn’t do anything wrong.

Do they have to know?

Probably not within the first 5 minutes of meeting them. If you want them to play a part in your life then I’d have to say yes, they will find out at some point from someone anyway. Far better it be from you in your own words. And if you aren’t ready to tell them (and I couldn’t talk about what happened to me til last year, not to anyone at all so I don’t blame you) then I have to say that maybe you just aren’t ready to date yet…which brings me to my next point…

When will I be ready to date?

How long is a piece of string? It’s going to be different for everyone. Like every other part of my Journey to Wellness I dived into this way too early, messed it up badly, and then was too scared to go near it again for a long time. Literally right now is the first time I can honestly say that I’m ready to Date. And I honestly wish I’d waited til now to start. And the only reason I know I’m ready now is that I’m perfectly fine on my own, I’m perfectly fine being with other people. I can now do everything for myself, from working to travelling, shopping to housework. I’ve done everything I knew I still had to work on, and that was a bloody long list trust me. But I’m there now. So if l do decide to embark on a relationship with somebody it won’t be because I need them for anything. This wouldn’t have been true for me to say even last month.

So, in conclusion. I’m probably the last person you should take any form of dating advice from. But do it when it feels right, when you really know in your heart that you are ready. Own your story, tell your truth, and be kind to yourself. If he likes you he won’t care about your past, he will only be interested in playing a role in your present. The future can take care of itself.



One thought on “Boytalk…

  1. Sunil says:

    Concerning your “baggage” — hey, it’s what makes us so inetresting.I, too, once dropped a little mental health history on the first date (she asked, “What don’t I know that you want me to know?”, so …) Ok, not so smart, but it didn’t faze her, and we went out on more dates. We have remained “friends” since (so I have that going for me …). But, it’s not necessary to divulge everything about oneself right away. We try to get too much done too quickly — enjoy the process of getting to know someone, and let them enjoy getting to know you.Good luck Thursday.

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