It’s probably the most common question I get asked by people. Am I afraid I’ll get sick again? Am I worried I’ll end up back in a wheelchair? People like to know the odds of it happening. If I have a back-up plan. I do. I plan not to end up being cared for by others ever again. It took me a long time to believe it but I’m here now.
It’s totally understandable that you’d be scared of getting sick again. I’ve never known fear like it, its all-consuming . But I’ve learned that for me it’s a thought I can’t live with. I can’t make peace with it or accept it. So I had to do it a different way.
I had to create a life for myself so filled with things that I loved that I didn’t have room for that fear anymore. I had to learn to focus my thinking towards what felt good rather than bad, because if it felt good then it was never a scary thought. I had to become obsessed with joy so I’d not be in the same emotional range as the dark scary place I lived in for so long. It’s impossible for me to feel love and fear at the same time. So I trained myself to feel love, to laugh, to see life as a game. And what started off as a survival technique became a habit.
So will it happen again? I don’t care anymore. It’s not happening right now, right now I’m living a life so authentically mine and mine alone that brings me so much joy and inspiration that I don’t even let the old fear through the door.
For me it’s not about being strong or brave. I don’t want to be brave anymore, I got tired of it. Tired of looking fear in the face and trying to overcome it. So I stopped carrying around with me, I put it down and left it alone. I don’t want to be courageous. I just want to love my life. I just want to keep feeling this amazing state of Total Happiness. This joy that negates the need for bravery. Try it. It will change things for you really quickly. The fear really will disappear.