There are many things in life I’m not great at, my school days bear proof that I can barely draw a straight line with a ruler (quite a feat actually) and that I’m the least natural athlete you’ll ever meet (whenever I enquired which position to take on the rounders field even my best of friends would reply “one very far away and try not to touch anything“). Yes indeed there are certain areas in life I’ve never been able to succeed.
I’m quite good at not being in a wheelchair though.
That’s pretty much what all of this is about. But unlike my drawing of straight lines, or athletic prowess, the getting out and staying out of the Chair was achieved through practice. And I fell at many hurdles, so many that initially I actually refused the treatment that turned out to be my cure. I so nearly did not get here. I nearly stayed knocked down that last time. I’d still be down now. I’d had enough, enough of spending thousands on cures that did nothing, enough of all that physical pain and mental strain only to leave with less than I’d come with. I had given up. I was done.
It’s easy to feel like that, that’s why even if being around friends and family is distressing when they look at you like you are the shadow of the person you once were, or you have to listen to stories about a life you no longer get to participate in, well best to grin and bear it because these people will be the ones to pick you back up again and set you on track when you just cannot do it anymore.
If you can also try and get to a place where you’re ruthless in your attitude to what has not worked treatment-wise, just brush it off, never think of it again, move on completely and try not to be bitter about it, seeing it more as a bridge leading you to the one that does work, then that’s less painful too. Because once you’re out of the Chair and back in the world it’s a skill you’ll utilise everyday in the quest to find out who you are now. It takes some getting used to but it’s such a handy tool to have. You’ll keep using it long after your Chair has gone.
There are endless ways to get better, and a lot of them will keep you better. Yes we’ve all been in the position where a treatment has either not worked at all or the cure has been temporary. But life does that a lot doesn’t it? Did we decide to never get another job because we didn’t like our first? Nope. Do we all become members of the clergy because a Boyfriend turned out to be a temp rather than the real deal? Hopefully not… We pick ourselves up, we try again.
So, in a nutshell, try everything, throw away the stuff that didn’t work for you, don’t give it any room in your thoughts, start each treatment like it’s the first one you’ve tried. If you can’t talk yourself into a place of inspired action then let someone else do the motivating and you just show up. Remembering all the while that everyone who is out of their wheelchair now started off in one and also didn’t know to get out. But they did it, and so will you,