Looking back on the last Five Years or so I realise that the majority of it was filled with struggle and fight. Starting from scratch, adjusting to a world I didn’t really understand. Last year in particular taught me a great deal about myself and who l am now. I spent a lot of it staying out of the wheelchair, and didn’t really focus enough on what I got out of it for in the first place.
This year is going to be very different. I only have one goal. To be very, very, very happy. My capacity for happiness is incredible these days, that’s probably the biggest gain to have come from all this adversity. I have the ability to feel Joy that I never knew possible before this journey to wellness began. But I don’t utilise it enough . I tell myself if I have the Job I want then I’ll be happy, the house the man the money, whatever. And then one of them turns up, and I’m not happy. Because if my life has shown me anything at all it’s that being happy makes you happy. End of. That’s it.
So that’s what I’m doing this year. 100% total and utter happiness. Thought by thought I will take myself to a place of complete Joy. It’s all that matters really, and it’s something I’ve been viewing as a sideline rather than the main event. And I know better than that.
So if I want the massive job success or a lovely boy or lots of money then I’m sure 2013 will oblige me. But for now I’m going to do whatever it takes to make sure I stay in this lovely feeling place. I have to say the view alone makes it very worthwhile. Tomorrow is looking very promising from where I stand.